Recently, I had the privilege of facilitating a training with the Youth Ministry Coaching Network on the topic of "How to Connect with Students (Every time you speak)."
WHY THIS TOPIC?
If you have been in youth ministry for any length of time, you have probably spoken to young people in every conceivable format:
Small Group
Sunday school
One on one mentoring
Youth group sermon
Youth worship service
Workshop
Seminar
Summer camp
Weekend retreat
Youth conference
Small group mentoring
School assembly
Christian school chapel
Student leadership groups
Not to mention, you have tons of education. Personally, I have multiple degrees in Bible, Student Ministry and Leadership.
I have spoken over 1200 times, over 20 years, to over 50,000 students.
None of this matters to the students that I am speaking to in 2 weeks.
Each time you step up on that stage, get in front of that small group, or have coffee at Starbucks with a student, you are given a new and fresh opportunity to connect with students and communicate the truth of God.
Here are the seven secrets that I shared with the youth pastors that morning:
SECRET #1 - Prayer
I think this is typically the area that we brush past and overlook in our preparation to communicate with students. Many times we treat it as an afterthought; however, the more we pray during the preparation side, I believe the more the Holy Spirit can connect with the students that we are speaking to.
Prayer allows us to get out of the way, and invites the Kingdom of God to come while we speak.
"Prayer does not fit us for the greater work, prayer is the greater work."
(Oswald Chambers)
"God does nothing but by prayer..." (John Wesley)
Acts 6 - The Apostles receiving the complaints of the Hellenistic jewish widows. They delegated so that they could focus on prayer and the ministry of the Word.
"Do you want to be a great preacher or a great prayer?" - Mark Batterson
PRACTICAL TIP: If you are not doing so already, I would strongly encourage you to physically block out time in your weekly schedule as an "appointment of prayer." Hands down, it will make you a much more connective speaker.
SECRET #2 - Storytelling
If there is one communication resource you are going to buy this year, it needs to be Nancy Duarte's book, Resonate.
The Hero's Journey Narrative Pattern:
1. Ordinary World
2. Call to Adventure
3. Refusal of the call
4. Meeting with the mentor
5. Crossing the threshold
6. Tests, allies, and enemies
7. Approach the inmost cave
8. Ordeal
9. Reward
10. Road back
11. Resurrection
12. Return with the elixir
Being able to tell a great story will exponentially increase your ability to connect with students when you speak. When I say tell, I am referring to:
Tone of voice
Volume
Rate of speech
Movement
Gestures
Purposeful Pauses
Facial expression
Jesus taught in stories. The students you speak to each week are post-modern. The post-modern culture is very much show me, rather than tell me. They are very similar to pre-moderns and learn best through story & experience.
When you think back to impactful messages or sermons that you have heard throughout your life, what you typically remember is your experience & the stories that were told.
SECRET #3 - Culturally-Relevant illustrations
Use illustrations that your students will be able to relate to. Jesus did this with farming, shepherding, etc.
Don't use illustrations that are dated when trying to make a point. Youth culture changes every 6 months. What was popular and relevant two years ago...let alone 5 years ago IS PROBABLY NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE. Example: MySpace...
If you want to connect. Use relevant illustrations.
PRACTICAL TIP: Keep an illustration file. Evernote. Illustrations are everywhere. Find them, save them, and file them.
SECRET #4 - Eye contact, Blocking & Movement
Great Resource: Gestures 201 by Toastmasters
http://www.toastmasters.org/201-Gestures
7-38-55 Rule/myth of communication
7% what we say (Verbal)
38% how we say it...tone (Vocal)
55% nonverbal (Visual)
"Everything you do either adds or distracts from your message." - Patricia Fripp
Eye Contact:
PRACTICAL TIP: 5 second rule
Works with 2-20-200-2000
Eye contact is the most important thing you can do to build connection while you are speaking.
Be careful when speaking from a manuscript.
When you move, MOVE WITH PURPOSE!!!
Movement problems... Pacing, standing behind lectern, statue, irrelevant movement... Favoring one side
Gestures:
Speak with your hands
Tell stories with your hands/body
Keep your hands above your waist
When in doubt... Exaggerate!
Make a point (but don't point)
Rehearse your gestures.
Facial expressions:
Smile
Surprise
Anger
Confusion
Empathy
Boredom
Rehearse in front of a mirror... Or video record yourself
Comedians use facial expression all the time
Practice, practice, practice.
SECRET #5 - Rehearsal
Let me say it this way... The more you practice and rehearse your content, the better your connection will be with the students.
As youth pastors, we want to be spontaneous, improvisational, funny, and spirit-led.
The problem is, you are not that good. I am not that good.
If you can devote yourself to doing the hard work of preparation and practice, you will be able to be spontaneous without getting yourself off-track from your main theme. More importantly, you will be able to connect even more effectively with the students you are speaking to.
PRACTICAL TIP: Build intentional rehearsal time in your calendar each week. "Steal an hour" per day - Kurt Johnson.
SECRET #6 - Offline/Off-stage Relationship
The more that you connect with students off stage, the more they will connect with you when you are on stage.
Even when you are participating in a one-off event, connect with as many students one-on-one as possible before hand.
The life you live off-stage builds credibility for what you say on stage. Whether you are leading a small group, or speaking to 1000 students.
PRACTICAL TIP: If possible, tell stories and illustrations that brag on the students in the room. Anytime you are able to make a student the hero of a story they will feel like a million bucks.
DISCLAIMER: Be sure that you have their permission before sharing the story.
SECRET #7 - Video Review
Periodically recording and reviewing your messages is one of the quickest ways to improve your connectivity in speaking to students. You will see all of the little idiosyncrasies that distract from your message and make it a challenge for students to connect with you.
Whether it's pacing, verbal filler, lack of eye contact or just plain boredom, you are typically your own best critic. If you're really gutsy, have a few students watch it back with you and give you feedback.
PRACTICAL TIP: If recording & reviewing us not possible on a weekly basis, try to make time once per month. You will see results immediately.
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